What to Include in a Eulogy: A Simple Checklist

A good eulogy includes eight things: a warm opening that introduces the person, a brief acknowledgement of the loss, a description of who they were as a person, two or three specific memories or stories, the relationships and roles that mattered most to them, the values or qualities that defined them, a moment of reflection on what they leave behind, and a short, direct closing. Most eulogies run between 700 and 1,000 words and take five to seven minutes to deliver. You do not need to include every element in equal measure. The point of the checklist is to make sure nothing essential is missed.

If you are sitting down to write one, the blank page can feel impossible. A checklist gives you something to work from — and if you are writing a eulogy from notes a loved one left behind, there is a separate guide for that too. Below, you will find each element explained, with a short example and a gentle note on what to avoid.

Table of Contents

• Why a checklist helps
• 1. A warm opening
• 2. An acknowledgement of the loss
• 3. Who they were as a person
• 4. Two or three specific memories
• 5. The relationships that mattered most
• 6. The values or qualities that defined them
• 7. A reflection on what they leave behind
• 8. A short, direct closing
• Frequently Asked Questions

Why a checklist helps

When you are grieving, your mind does not work the way it normally does. You sit down to write and the page stays blank, or you start three different drafts and abandon them all. A checklist gives you a structure to lean on when your own thinking will not hold together. It is not a formula. You do not have to follow it in order. But it is a list of the things people will be listening for, even if they could not tell you what they were.

"I had ten pages of notes and no idea what to do with them. A checklist helped me see what I had, and what I was missing."

Most eulogies that feel incomplete are missing one of these eight elements. Most that feel too long are doubling up on one or two of them. Use this as a way to test your draft.

1. A warm opening

The opening sets the tone for everything that follows. It should bring the person into the room within the first few sentences. Avoid starting with your own name and relationship to them. The room knows who you are. They want to meet your loved one again.

A good opening might be a memory, an image, a phrase the person used to say, or a simple, warm statement of who they were.

Example: "Mum had a way of making any room feel like the kitchen at home. Even in the hospital, at the end, the nurses came to sit with her on their breaks. That was Mum. She made you feel welcome."

What to avoid: a long thank-you to the funeral director, a quote from a poet no one knows, or a clinical biographical summary.

2. An acknowledgement of the loss

A brief moment that names the grief in the room. It does not have to be heavy. One or two sentences is plenty. This is what gives the rest of the eulogy permission to be warm or funny without feeling out of place.

Example: "I know how loved Dad was. Looking around this room, I can see it. We are all going to miss him in different ways, and that is alright."

What to avoid: dwelling on the cause of death, the medical details, or the weeks before they died. The room knows. You do not have to walk them through it.

3. Who they were as a person

A short paragraph or two describing the person's character. Not a list of facts, but a feeling. What was it like to be in a room with them? What did they care about? What made them laugh?

Example: "Tom was a man of few words and many opinions. He did not say much, but when he did, you wanted to write it down. He read the paper every morning, complained about the football every Saturday, and cooked the same Sunday roast for forty years. He was steady. We knew where he was, and that mattered."

What to avoid: a list of jobs, dates, and addresses. Save those for the order of service. The eulogy is for who they were, not what they did.

4. Two or three specific memories

This is the heart of the eulogy. Specific, concrete memories bring the person back into the room in a way nothing else can. Aim for two or three, told well.

Choose memories that:

• Show something true about who they were
• Are short enough to tell in a minute or two
• Will land for the room, not just for you

Example: "Last Christmas, Mum decided we should have lunch at four o'clock instead of one. No reason. She just wanted to. So we sat down to turkey and stuffing as it was getting dark, and she lit candles, and it was the best Christmas any of us can remember. That was Mum. She would change the rules just because she felt like it, and somehow it always turned out better."

What to avoid: in-jokes that only three people in the room will understand, or stories that need too much context to land.

5. The relationships that mattered most

A brief mention of the people the person loved. Their partner, their children, their closest friends, their siblings. You do not need to list every relative. A short, warm acknowledgement is enough.

Example: "Dad loved Mum quietly. He was not one for big declarations. But he made her tea every morning for fifty-one years, and he never once forgot her birthday. That was his version of a love song."

What to avoid: turning the eulogy into a list of names. The room knows who is who. You are honouring the loved one, not reading a guest list.

6. The values or qualities that defined them

What did the person stand for? What did they believe in? What did they teach you, even if they never meant to teach it?

Example: "Granddad believed in three things: a hard day's work, a good cup of tea, and not making a fuss. He did not preach any of it. He just lived it, every day, until the end."

What to avoid: abstract words like "kindness," "love," and "integrity" without a story to anchor them. If you cannot point to a moment that shows the quality, leave the quality out.

7. A reflection on what they leave behind

A short, gentle moment of looking forward. Not a sermon. Not a lesson. Just a quiet acknowledgement that the person mattered, and that something of them stays with us.

Example: "Mum will be in every cup of tea I make, every time I roll my eyes at the news, every time I try to make someone feel at home. That is what she leaves us. We just have to keep passing it on."

What to avoid: grand statements about life and death, or claims about where the person is now. Keep your feet on the ground.

8. A short, direct closing

The last line is the one people will carry home. Keep it short. Keep it true. Speak directly to the person if it feels right.

Example: "Thank you, Mum. For everything. Sleep well."

What to avoid: a long quote, a song lyric, or a poem unless it genuinely belongs to the person. Your own words, even simple ones, will mean more than borrowed ones.

"I had written a beautiful poem to end with. The morning of the funeral, I cut it. I just said 'Goodbye, Dad. I love you.' That was the line my brothers remember now."

If writing all of this feels like more than you can manage right now, we can write a eulogy for you, based on your memories. You share a few stories with us, and we shape them into the eulogy you need. Many of the families we work with had ten pages of notes and no idea what to do with them. We help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to include all eight elements?

No. The checklist is a guide, not a formula. Some eulogies do not need a long reflection at the end. Some do not need eight elements at all. Use it to make sure you have not missed anything important, then trust your own sense of the room.

Which element matters most?

The specific memories. If everything else fell away and you only had two or three real, specific stories about the person, you would still have a meaningful eulogy. Memories are the heart. Everything else is structure around them.

What should I leave out of a eulogy?

Family disputes, embarrassing stories that the person would not have wanted shared, long medical details about how they died, and anything that feels more about you than about them. If a story would make a particular person in the room feel hurt or exposed, leave it out.

How long should each section be?

There is no fixed rule. Most eulogies spend the longest time on the memories (element four) and on who they were as a person (element three). The opening, acknowledgement, and closing should each be short. The reflection at the end should be brief, not preachy.

What if I can only write a few sentences for some sections?

That is fine. A short, true sentence is better than a long, padded one. Some of the most moving eulogies are short. If you have less to say in a section, say less. The room will not notice. They will only notice if it does not feel real.