Eulogy for Someone You Didn't Know Well. What to Say When You Barely Knew Them

Yes, you can give a meaningful eulogy for someone you didn't know well. You don't need a lifetime of memories. You need one honest observation, a conversation with someone who knew them better, and the willingness to stand up and speak. Some of the most powerful eulogies I've seen came from people who barely knew the person at all.

If you've been asked to write a eulogy and you're wondering how to fill five minutes about someone you only met a handful of times, you're not alone. This happens more often than people think. A colleague's parent dies. A neighbour passes. A distant relative. A friend's spouse you only saw at parties. The family asks you to speak, and suddenly you're staring at a blank page thinking, "What do I even say?"

Table of Contents

• Why Were You Asked to Speak?
• How Do You Gather Enough Material?
• What Should You Actually Say?
• How Do You Structure a Eulogy for Someone You Didn't Know Well?
• What If You Only Have One Memory?
• How Long Should It Be?
• What Should You Avoid Saying?
• Frequently Asked Questions

Why Were You Asked to Speak?

Start here, because this question holds the key to your entire eulogy. Someone chose you. Not the deceased's best friend of forty years. Not their sibling. You. There's a reason for that, even if you can't see it yet.

Maybe you represent a chapter of their life. The work chapter, the neighbourhood chapter, the church chapter. Maybe the family saw something in you that reminded them of the person they lost. Maybe everyone closer is too deep in grief to stand up and speak. Or maybe the deceased mentioned you more than you realise.

Whatever the reason, you were chosen. That's your starting point. You don't need to pretend you knew them inside out. You just need to be honest about the connection you did have, however small.

How Do You Gather Enough Material?

This is the most important step. You probably can't write this eulogy from what you already know. You need to ask around. Here's how.

Call or text two or three people who knew them well. A spouse, a sibling, a close friend, an adult child. Tell them you've been asked to speak and you'd love to hear a story or two. Most people will be grateful you asked. Grief is lonely, and being asked to share memories can be a comfort.

Ask them specific questions. Not "tell me about them" (too broad). Try these instead:

• What's a story that captures who they really were?
• What would make them laugh?
• What did they care about most?
• What's something most people didn't know about them?
• What did they always say?

You only need two or three good answers. One strong anecdote is enough to build an entire eulogy around.

Think about your own impressions, however brief. Even a single meeting leaves an impression. The way they shook your hand. Their laugh. The way they spoke about their grandchildren. The energy they brought into a room (or the calm they carried). These small observations are often more powerful than a detailed biography, because they feel personal and real.

What Should You Actually Say?

Here's the honest truth: you don't need to summarise their entire life. You're not writing an obituary. A eulogy is a tribute, not a biography. Your job is to make the people in the room feel something. To make them nod and think, "Yes. That was them."

The best approach when you didn't know someone well is to be upfront about it. Not in a clumsy, apologetic way. In a warm, honest way that turns your limited knowledge into a strength.

Something like: "I only met Margaret a few times. But the thing about Margaret is that a few times was enough to know exactly who she was."

That kind of opening is honest, warm, and it immediately earns the room's trust. Nobody expects you to be their biographer. They just want you to be genuine.

From there, share what you gathered. The stories others told you. Your own small observations. And weave in the theme that emerges. Because a theme always emerges. Maybe it's generosity. Maybe it's stubbornness (said with love). Maybe it's the way they made everyone around them feel seen.

How Do You Structure a Eulogy for Someone You Didn't Know Well?

Keep it simple. This structure works well:

Opening (1 minute). Acknowledge your connection honestly. Say who you are and how you knew them. Don't apologise for not knowing them better. Instead, share one vivid impression from your own experience.

The person through others' eyes (2-3 minutes). Share one or two stories you gathered from people who knew them well. Attribute them naturally: "His daughter Sarah told me..." or "A friend of his shared a story that I think says everything..." This section is the heart of the eulogy.

Your own reflection (1 minute). What did you take away from knowing this person, even briefly? What will you remember? This is where you tie it together. It doesn't need to be profound. "I only knew David for two years, but I'm a better neighbour because of him" is more powerful than any grand statement.

Closing (30 seconds). A simple, warm goodbye. Address the family directly if it feels right. End with something the deceased would have liked, whether that's a laugh line or a quiet moment.

What If You Only Have One Memory?

One memory is enough. Seriously. Some of the best eulogies I've helped with were built around a single moment.

If you only have one memory, go deep. Describe it in detail. Where were you? What did they say? What was the look on their face? How did it make you feel? A single vivid moment, described with care, will move a room more than a list of accomplishments ever could.

Then connect that one memory to what others have told you about the person. "That one afternoon told me everything I needed to know about who Tom was. And when I spoke to his family this week, they confirmed it."

How Long Should It Be?

Three to five minutes. That's 400 to 600 words. For someone you didn't know well, shorter is better. A focused, honest three-minute eulogy will land far better than a padded seven-minute one where you're reaching for things to say.

Print it in 14pt font. Your hands might shake, and tears might blur your vision. Larger text makes it easier to find your place if you need to pause and collect yourself.

What Should You Avoid Saying?

Don't pretend you knew them better than you did. The family will notice, and it undermines everything genuine you have to say.

Don't fill space with cliches. "They're in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" might feel safe, but they land hollow at a funeral. Specific, real details are always better than generic comfort.

Don't make it about yourself. Your feelings of awkwardness about not knowing them well are valid, but the eulogy isn't the place to process them. A brief, honest acknowledgment is enough, then move the focus back to the person.

Don't try to be funny unless you're sure. Humour works beautifully in eulogies, but only when it comes naturally from a real story. Forced jokes at a funeral are painful for everyone.

If you've been asked to speak and you're feeling overwhelmed, that's completely normal. Even people who knew the deceased for decades feel the same way. The fact that you're taking this seriously, reading this, preparing, that already says something good about you. If you'd rather share what you know and have your eulogy written for you, that's okay too. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is accept a little help.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you give a eulogy for someone you barely knew?

Yes. Being asked to speak is an honour, and you don't need decades of memories to do it well. One honest observation and a conversation with someone who knew them better will give you more than enough material. Focus on being genuine rather than comprehensive.

How do you write a funeral speech for someone you didn't know?

Start by calling two or three people who knew them well. Ask for one or two stories and a few details about their personality. Combine what they tell you with your own brief impressions. Be honest about your limited connection. That honesty is what makes the eulogy feel real.

What do you say at a funeral if you didn't know the person?

If you're speaking formally, acknowledge your connection honestly, share what you learned about them from others, and offer one personal observation of your own. If you're simply attending (not giving a eulogy), "I'm sorry for your loss" is always enough. You don't need to say anything more.

Is it weird to give a eulogy for someone you didn't know well?

Not at all. Families often ask someone who represents a particular part of the deceased's life. Your perspective as someone from work, the neighbourhood, or a community group offers something the closer family members can't. You see the person from the outside, and that view matters.

Should you mention that you didn't know them well?

Yes, briefly. A short, honest acknowledgment at the start builds trust with the room. Something like "I didn't know Margaret for long, but what I saw told me everything I needed to know." Then move on to the stories and details. Don't dwell on it or apologise. The honesty is what makes the rest of your eulogy feel real.

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Written by Karel, founder of EulogyCraft and Gentle Tributes. Karel has helped families find the right words for over ten years.